FRIENDSHIP LESSONS FROM INSECURE.
I keep up with Insecure a series written by Issa Rae religiously. We follow a black woman in her thirties whos trying to navigate, work, relationships, finance and life in general. The series which has four seasons captures the essence of different kinds of relationships. Issa has had best friend Molly since season one but on season four everything takes a wrong turn. I have learnt a couple of lessons on friendships from Insecure.
WE LOVE OUR FRIENDS AS MUCH AS WE DISLIKE THEM
This is the fact of the matter whether we like it or not. The issue only arises when the dislike overpowers love. When you can no longer handle how loud they are or how bad their cooking is, this is where the trouble kicks in. Most friendships change due to different seasons. The idea that one will change with the season is often left unsaid. You should know that not everyone undergoes the metamorphosis at the same time.
ITS OKAY CULTIVATE OTHER FRIENDSHIPS.
The lesson here is to have different friends for a different purpose. We don't have to interact with the same friends on everything. We can colour out of the lines of our friendships at any time and this should be allowed. When Issa started hanging out with Condola who was helping her with a project, Molly felt left out. She felt like her friend whom she had known for a number of years was slipping away. She could not reconcile with the fact that Issa’s relationship with Condola was business-related and that Issa could walk and chew gum.
If Molly had not only communicated on how she felt about Issa nad Condola then that issue would have been ironed out there and then. Had she understood that they can have other friends out of their bubble then their story would have been different. In my opinion, our friends can make other friends who may or may not be our cup of tea and this is okay. We should allow our friends to have lives outside of our friendship. If we understood this, then we will have a little heaven down here.
HAVE THAT TALK.
Friendships just like relationships need “the talk”. You know the uncomfortable one whereby everyone opens up? This is really needed as it will help the two parties clear up the air. If Molly and Issa had the talk then a lot of miscommunication would have been ironed out. The two would have realised that their individual lines were going through a different kind of metamorphosis hence the need to slow down. It would have come out that as much as the relationship is important at that juncture their personal lives needed all the TLC they could get.
This talk however unbearable saves us a lot. It basically unpacks feelings and behaviour in a way that builds instead of breaking. In Molly's case, she felt weighed down by Issa. Her feeling was that Issa was pulling her back. This was in terms of her relationships. What she could not point out was the fact that the two had different ways of approaching relationships. While she was searching for a Mr right, Issa who had just left a 5-year relationship wanted a Mr right now. She realised that she could take it all back and focus on herself. What she did not know is that you can still put yourself first while being a good friend.
IT’S A TWO WAY TRAFFIC.
Just like other relationships, friendships are two-way traffic. You need to give in order to receive. Giving in this sense is not limited to just gifts but also time, attention and support.
All Molly had to do was support Issa when she was planning her event. She had to put in the work in the sense that their relationship was often left unattended. This is a common phenomenon sometimes when one is chasing their career, a gig or project relationships often suffer. It's upon an individual to take the high road and understand this dynamic or like In Molly's case play the victim. Support is crucial, practice it.