ARRANGED.
She remembers her mother's shriek voice calling her to the living room. It sounded serious. I wonder what I’ve done this time. She pulled up her dera and descended the flight of stairs. She sat next to her mom who hit the nail on the cross. It was time for her to get married. She wasn't at all shocked. This was the norm. The cultural rite of passage in her community. She was way past the marriage stage, she was ripe and ready. Her parents who hailed from Wajir were not only staunch Muslims but also upheld the customs. Girls from her community are married off after their first period she is lucky to have been educated till university. Her time had come, she was a grown girl now. The caterpillar had undergone a complete metamorphosis. It was now a butterfly, ready to fly away.
He is a doctor one with a beautiful smile and dimples, he’d won her mother's heart before she met him. Rahma meet him. It was weird at first, getting your mum to pick a man for you how archaic! As time flew by, a strong bond grew between them. The late-night chats, memes and a spontaneous zip lining trip gave both parties the clarity they needed. He was no longer a stranger, a random guy, a guy she knew from her mum.No, after spending time with him, the whole idea made sense. She did not hesitate and had zero reservations. A date was set, her mahr was paid(in full) and the miss became Mrs.
A year later, I sat with Rahma to get a glimpse into her life as a young bride in an arranged marriage.
Mukanda: Whose decision was it to have you married?
Rahma: My family definitely brought the subject up but at the end of the day the choice was mine. I chose to get married.
Mukanda: Is it hard being young and married, I mean you are only 22 right?
Rahma: It's challenging as it comes with a little more responsibility, It has quickened my growth and maturity process. Unlike my parent's house where most things were catered for by mom, I'm now the steward of this ship hence the challenge. It also depends on the partner in my case, I am supported fully, not controlled and very much challenged to be better. It is not an uphill task for me.
Mukanda: What aspects of your life have changed since jumping the broom?
Rahma: Marriage has opened my way of thinking and focus on the bigger picture. It has taught me that change can come and I should be prepared to embrace it. It has made me a stronger woman as I now have the tolerance to handle a lot more than I even though I could.” I was never comfortable with change but now I am very much open and prepared because it can happen anytime”. “It has also helped me challenge myself, to reach out for opportunities that I would otherwise shy from”.
Mukanda: Your parents chose your husband, one year down do you think they made the right decision?
Rahma: They did, they actually blew my mind with how accurate their choice was. This is despite the fact that some details were very intricate but they scored highly on them. Good job mom, (giggles)
Mukanda: Would you do it again?
Rahma: Yes, I would because as mentioned earlier I have been fortunate enough to find a partner who is not only loving but also motivates and pushes me to be the best version of myself so yes If it were a song, I’d put it on replay. (smiles)
Mukanda: Do you wish to have had a conventional relationship, the usual dating, sorting before marriage?
Rahma: I had a courtship stage with my husband and during this period I ended liking them so no I did not miss out on anything.
Mukanda: What lesson is this experience teaching you right now?
Rahma: Happiness comes from within and that I am responsible for my own
happiness.
Mukanda: Any word for the Mister?
Rahma: Thank you for being the sane one. (giggles)